Friday, January 4, 2013

moments of clarity and comfort

Have you ever experienced moments of clarity and comfort?  I have.  I’d be struggling with some issue.  I’d be worried.  I’d cry.  I’d be afraid.  Suddenly, a feeling would wash over me, I knew everything was gonna be all right.  The urgency of my fear and worry were gone.  I’d feel every hair on my body stand in attention.  It felt like someone gently brushed up against my skin sending shivers run down my back.  I’d just smile and say, “Thanks”. 
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP

Nicholas “Nick” Metcalf Event Bio

"Nicholas "Nick" Metcalf - Cetanzi (Yellow Hawk) writes about his journey which may be a cautionary tale or a tale of triumph.  Stay tuned.  He also likes to write about the complicated lives of the people and communities he loves.  An enrolled member of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe, he has made the Twin Cities his home for over 18 years.  He still believes in love and is a hopeless romantic.  During the day, he is a cog in the wheel of state bureaucracy and at night, a fantastic ever loving parent of a teenage son, Hoksicila Cante Ma Yuha (Child of My Heart)."
This was the bio for a recent reading that I took part in.  It was my 3rd public reading of my poetry and it was incredible.  Here is the text from the promotional material:  
Dakota Writers
Speak to Presence

On the 150th anniversary of the largest mass execution in the history of the United States of America – the hanging of 38 + 2 Dakota men in Mankato for their role in the U.S. Dakota Conflict – and in the 150th anniversary year of the Dakota conflict, Dakota writers speak to Presence. Although our presence is often erased or misrepresented in mainstream media, we are here. Join us as we reflect, remember, and share.

Featuring Nick Metcalf, Monique Leith (reading poems by her grandpa Ron Leith), Richard Merlin Johnson Jr., Terri Yellowhammer, Colleen Casey, and Lisa Yankton

location: Black Dog Cafe
308 Prince St. (corner of 4th and Broadway, downtown)
St. Paul, MN 55101
date: Wednesday, December 26th 2012
time: 8:30 – 10:00 PM

Agenda: 7:00 – 8:30 PM Lowertown Reading Jam
8:30 – 10:00 PM Dakota Writers Speak to Presence


Thursday, January 3, 2013

"....Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..."

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Reasons to Succeed

Surround yourself with reminders of the reasons you have chosen to do the work you do. Keep the thoughts of those reasons foremost in your mind.

Achievement never happens for its own sake. Achievement is built when there are solid, meaningful reasons behind it.

The only enduring impediment to success is the lack of a reason for that success. Connect with a good reason, keep that connection strong, and you will find your way through whatever challenges you encounter.

When you have a reason, you have a stake in the outcome. When you have a reason, you're able to summon the discipline, commitment, persistence and creativity necessary to get the job done.

The best motivation is not to be found in some sophisticated secret techniques or procedures. The best motivation is to constantly keep yourself in contact with your reason.

Give yourself plenty of reasons to succeed. And you most assuredly will.

Ralph Marston

I Become Vigilant

When I write about the ugliness of what has happened to me, then please know and understand: Without those experiences I WOULD NOT know Joy, Happiness, Contentment, and Love.

It is when I look into my minds dark places, where secrets reside and untold truths are bound by shame, I am able dismantle them. I pay my respects to that part of my journey. I keep what is necessary in those experiences. I let go of the rest. 

Ultimately, my telling these stories is a part of my healing journey. By writing about them enables me to release the heaviness and burden.  I am no longer shackled by the shame, fear, and silence.  I let go of them back into the Universe.   I pray never to harm another...

It is my hope that I will never have to experience those life lessons again. They become a part of my past.  They become a foundation to who I am.  By understanding this process then I ensure they do not rob me of my humanity, kindness, and spirit. 
I write those stories to inspire those who need it.  I write to give hope to those who need it.  Especially, when the darkness descends...

What I know is this - I am responsible for my own healing and the affect of those lessons on my life.  I need to remain attuned to them so I become vigilant to never repeat them.  So I write!

Poetry: "A Dream of a Time and Place"

In the solitude
of my room
I would look out
the expansive prairie

I watched
The light brown wheat
as they danced in the wind
The evergreen trees
as they bowed
along the horizon
just beyond the hills

I dreamed of a time and place
I hoped beyond hope
Prayed for saving,
Begged God,
The Universe,
or anyone who'd listen
to my silence

I dreamed of a time and place
Beyond this circumstance
A place
I could be
Pain Free

The flimsy wooden door
holds back yet another
drunken man
Another man who
took me for
his sick
sexual pleasure.

A knife hidden
Used to lock the flimsy door
Too late – I'm awoken to terror

I didn't yearn nor want
Stank beer breathe
Fumbling in the dark

The darkness would descend

I would dream of a time and place
Beyond this circumstance
I'd hope beyond hope
I could be there
Be Safe
Pain Free

How could the dead dream?
I'd wonder
I could covet these dreams!
I'd resolve
Hide them from discovery

My dreams
My sincerity
My sacredness

Once I found that place and time
Pain Free

I now tell that truth
It drips off my soul
Slithers off my body
Festering old wounds

I tell those stories
Secrets I held
Stories I've kept hidden
For the universe to claim
The burden is not mine
alone any longer

I dreamed of a place
beyond that circumstance
of a time
that I'd
be safe
pain free
And I AM HERE...

January 1, 2013