Thursday, March 3, 2011

2 Bitchez' in Heat & the 1 Dawg in town is Busy...

I have a couple of friends, 'Gurhl frienz'. Friends who go at each other with as much zeal and zest that I can only describe it as a scene from, “The Gladiator”. Their verbal battles are catty and cutty. They jab. They jab to left. They jab to the right. They go until they are exhausted.

Their verbal attacks include everything, they way the other is dressed. What the other is doing with their life. Who the 'one' man in the bar is looking at. What the other thinks of the new man in the others life...

At first I tried to intervene and referee but I gave up. Now I only ask that they stay cordial. Thank goodness.

I know they continue to argue when I am not around. I hear both sides of their stories when they are done. I still DO NOT get involved.

I wonder if their relationsihp is some weird, sexual foreplay. Their behavior reminds me of that couple who beat the hell out of each other then have 'amazing sex'. After the epic fight that 'knock down-drag out-you ain't shit motherfucker!' fight that turns into them being 'lovey dovey' with hickeyes and giggling like 'new lovers'.

You know that couple, who when you first see them fight, you intervene. You comfort your sobbing friend. You reassure your friend that there are other fish in the sea. You give a few referals to get them going again, alone. You go along to social service appointments so they know it will be ok.

Suddenly, that couple is back together. Now you are the bad guy who is out to destroy their relationship. Your friend gives you that pleading look to not say anything. Their partner gives you the 'stank eye'. Lesson Learned: Just be a listening friend.

People in complicated relationships remind me that I need to have 'good boundaries'. Great boundaries with people I call, “friends”. I do not use “friends”, lightly. My friends are supportive. My friends and I connect on many levels. We have common interests. We enjoy each others company. We can talk to each other honestly.

“Friends” that draw you into their dysfunction take away from your well being. Your spiritual light is dimmed. Physically you are exhausted. Mentally, you are drained.

Ask yourself, “Are they worth it?”.

HELL NO!

Tell them, “Leave now”.

Stop taking their calls when they want to socialize together. Avoid them at all costs as a group.

I've made the mistake of hanging out with my friends. I thought and believed, I was being unreasonable. I found myself right back in the center of the madness.

Descuctive people in your life need to leave, immediately. I am amazed that I have to tell people that. Stop the madness. You are not doing anyone a favor. It is not a requirement to keep them in your life.

Don't forget, “You teach people how to treat you”...

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