Friday, December 30, 2011

You've won...

"You've won because you have the audacity to be who you are.  You've won because you tell the truth on yourself.  You've won because you demonstrate kindness and love then have it reflected back to you.  You've won with each step forward you have the gumption to straighten your back and hold your head high then step out into the universe to heed its calling.  You've won because you don't let life lessons slump your shoulders, break your spirit, and you look boldly at it with as much courage as you have in that moment.  You've won when you look down at those who want to take your joy and love them in spite of.  You've won with every breathe you take.  You've won just because you are..."

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Poetry: "The Threshold"

With Time

Living past and beyond
people who raised you
is sad and at times, dire

Their essence falls into the universe
They become a memory

How do you keep them alive in people’s minds?
How do you let people know of their time here?
How do you tell people what they believed in?
How do you tell their stories to inspire others?

I’m learning

A testament to them
A way of honoring them
A way to keep them close

To Ask

Is this how you’d do it?
Is this what you believed?
Is this what you want?

Their voice will usher along the whisper of the winds
Telling you
Their truths will resonate in your soul
It will
shake you
It will tap you
It will hold you

I wait
Along this threshold listening for their voice
Urgings from them - now, then, and beyond.

December 24, 2011
January 5, 2013

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Poetry: "I Deserve THE BEST Not Just Better"

I have given myself willing
To mindless men
A quivering notion of myself
I believed they were the best I'd ever get
I’d hope beyond hope they'd stay

I didn't know
Couldn’t discern
ask or demand
or know any better
about myself

I had no agency
I had no personal value
At least, not enough to believe
I deserved the best

Throughout each story, I grew
I became more of me than I'd ever known

Cautionary tales and stories that began
With a tumultuous beginning
and end with
Them leaving, Me begging, Me pleading,
Sometimes, I'd do the leaving
With the end being the same
My Body riddled
My Mind Scorned and
My Spirit Worn

I begged and pleaded
Why not me?
Love Me?
Am I not enough?

I deserve more, The BEST not just better

Yet I’d return again
I’d succumb to another tragic tale
Lain open for discovery
For Yet another Man
A Man-child who did not know
His own shadow
Shadows he ran from
Shadows that followed him
Shadows that told his secrets
Describing his desires he’s kept hidden

I believed their words
And fallen for ‘Their Game’
Utterances of kindness
Tales of a life together
Dreams that were shared
All painted for me across the tapestry of the sky

They satiated my lonely soul
They fed my longing for a connection
Any connection

Until they left, then I am alone yet again

In my silent moments
Amongst my tears and broken dreams
I'd find myself under the carnage of my desperate mind
Trapped by my own insecurity
With the rife stench of my carelessness
I pushed and pulled myself out of the wreckage of my own making
I'd discover myself a little lighter, a little brighter
Cause I knew and began to believe:
I deserve more, the BEST not just better

I began to taste the savoriness of knowing this
As the bitterness of those lessons were new:
I deserve more, The BEST not just better

I’d began the tireless work of my introspection
Dissecting my histories
Healing my old wounds
Owning my stories
Understanding my journey

As I learned to nurture myself
I discovered a kernel of truth:
I deserve The BEST not just better

In my quest of unraveling and discovery
I’d stumble upon doubt
Uncovering old tapes that chimed –
“You’re nothing”,
“You’re ugly”
“Who’d want you anyway?”

Heeding those words
I’d begin another story
Another desperate tale of woe and seeking
I’d succumb to another mindless man-child
Our bodies writhing only with desire
I believed that this was it
I confused touch and love, yet again
He’d embody a dream that was not ours to live
I failed to recognize this lesson and the manifestations of idolatry

I deserve the best not just better,
A distant mantra from someone else

The denouement of my story often went:
Me reeking of desperation
Me getting smacked with the back of hand
Me being drug by my hair
Me getting kicked in the stomach

I deserve the best not just better,
Empty words that someone else discovered

The story would end the same:
He’d leave with stolen things along with my sense of safety
He walked out with my dignity and my dreams
Unbeknownst to him our dreams were bound by my sacred coven
Leaving me to wonder why?
I believed he loved me
Because He said so, as tears slid down his face
And he spoke in a determined voice that rendered me mindless

Amongst the litany of men, is and was my salvation
My peace of knowing and ultimately believing:

I deserve the best not just better.

December 18, 2011
January 5, 2013

Monday, October 24, 2011

Poetry: "Taste Freedom"

When I enter into the silence
With my eyes closed
My breathing slows
Stillness lumbers into my bones
As the twitching of my muscles subsides

I sense the wrestling of my soul

I feel the majesty of the universe that surrounds me

I drink from the well of hope and love

As fear, doubt, and loneliness
seeps out from within

It's in those moments that

I am not alone

I am amongst
my family of humankind
Ghosts of humanity
as the spirits of the animals
dance amongst us
the birds sing
our heartbeats thump in unison
a common drumbeat
for our souls to
taste freedom

the earth holds us tightly
to her bosom
and the wind
carries all our worries
into the infinity of
the universe.

I awaken to freedom.

As time moves along
My body awakens
to the starkness of my

Difference is my burden
My breathing quickens
Fear rushes in
My silent moments
All forgotten

It's my white brethren
And their maidens
Who and whom
my body
taint my mind
subjugate me to
their indifference
they take without asking
no thank you is afforded me
nor required according to them.

I enter into the silence
with my eyes closed
my breathing slows
stillness lumbers into my bones
as the twitching of my muscles subsides.

I awaken to freedom.