Saturday, October 15, 2011

Poetry: "The Delusions of White Liberal LGBT Activists"

Today, I will tell you the truth.
I’ve hid it long enough.

I smell the rancor and the stank of the lies
that you perpetuate.

The half truths told
when in good company.
½ truths and I’m being generous,
Unlike you.

Your inability to articulate your privilege
or dissect your privilege
or care to.

The stench of your desire
as you lay claim to brown people
our bodies
our minds
searching for our soul.

As if you could ever own us, again.
Covet us.

When you are challenged with the truth
The ugliness you show
And demonstrate.

The rage in your eyes
The silence you deliver
I understand your need
for revenge
Cause I don’t act right.
I speak out of turn.
I tell my truth
I wasn’t asked.

Will you ever feel our struggle in your soul?

The multiplicity of my being brown
In your struggle
confuses you
So maybe

You walk past us on the street.

You may lick our ass
You may suck our dick
You may lick our pussy
But you don’t care to know
Our minds
Our desires
Our dreams
Our hopes.

You don’t pick up arms for our struggle.

You let it be our fight.

You assume no one knows hunger
By your side in the LGBT struggle.

Whose equality?
Mostly yours.
Cause the people
Who look like me
Think like me
Behave like me
See the world like me
Won’t know that
Sweetness of justice.

You try to hide the guilt in your eyes.

Trips, clothes, cars
That many of us will never
Or own.

You espouse
Words, ideas
That you care
Your actions speak
Loud enough for me to know.

When I speak the truth, I hear
The silence.

When I tell you how I feel, I know
The feeling of avoidance.

When I ask for more, you give me
More shame to carry.

I suppress my anger
So you are comfortable
With me at your table.

I internalize my rage of injustice
So you don’t know discomfort.

I internalize my rage
so you won’t know.

Liberal White LGBT activists and their delusions.

Come on,
Tell the truth and shame the devil…


Poetry: "Yes, I still have dreams..."

35 years later
30 men and boys later

Men and boys
who took my body

Men and boys
who took my body
when I couldn't read
when I
didn't know

Men and boys
who I trusted

Yes, I still have dreams...

Tucked and hidden
under all the wreckage
that they left

Tucked behind
their desires

Hidden from
my confusion

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of kindness
Of gentleness
Of hope beyond hope

Yes, I still have dreams...

They are what sustains me
during my time here

Steeped in confusion
Attached to shame

Yes, I still have dreams...

When I close my eyes
I enter into the darkness
in those
moments when
My body is taken
without my consent

I dream

I dream of a time

When I wouldn't know
the pillaging of my body
the harrowing of my insides

The place where
my soul resides
God is there

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of a kind man

Someone to love
and past
and over
and under
all this hurt

A man
whom I can lay down
my guard

Hold me as
all this sorrow
seeps out of my body

A man
who can love me

A man
who knows
this hurt I feel
isn't his to own

A man
who helps
to fight back
demons from
my past

A man
who doesn't take
without my consent

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of a day
I can walk in my days
in my body

A day
when fear
consume me

A day
when guilt
strangle me

A day
when a touch
can just be that

A day
when shame is
replaced with

A day
of carefree wonder

Yes, I still have dreams...

Dreams are what
keeps me rooted.
Dreams are what
keeps me here.
Dreams are what
helps me to keep
the madness at bay.

Yes, I still have dreams...


For those who are surviving regardless – Survivors of sexual abuse, sexual assault,and rape. 

It's the darkness that saved us. When our minds saved us, as the harsh reality of our bodies were being taken without our consent.  We manifest hope in the face of our past.  Our silence doesn't protect us, speak the truth, and let the healing light shine into your soul. 

It's a new day to heal, forgive, let go, and live tenaciously, in spite of.  God carried me through those dark times until I had strength enough for my feet to touch the ground again.  I plan to be happy, laugh a lot, let joy in, know love, and not allow those memories have me succumb to begging on my knees.  Let's do this together.  We've survived the physical realities but no one can have our soul.