Saturday, October 15, 2011

Poetry: "Yes, I still have dreams..."

35 years later
30 men and boys later

Men and boys
who took my body

Men and boys
who took my body
when I couldn't read
when I
didn't know

Men and boys
who I trusted

Yes, I still have dreams...

Tucked and hidden
under all the wreckage
that they left

Tucked behind
their desires

Hidden from
my confusion

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of kindness
Of gentleness
Of hope beyond hope

Yes, I still have dreams...

They are what sustains me
during my time here

Steeped in confusion
Attached to shame

Yes, I still have dreams...

When I close my eyes
I enter into the darkness
in those
moments when
My body is taken
without my consent

I dream

I dream of a time

When I wouldn't know
the pillaging of my body
the harrowing of my insides

The place where
my soul resides
God is there

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of a kind man

Someone to love
and past
and over
and under
all this hurt

A man
whom I can lay down
my guard

Hold me as
all this sorrow
seeps out of my body

A man
who can love me

A man
who knows
this hurt I feel
isn't his to own

A man
who helps
to fight back
demons from
my past

A man
who doesn't take
without my consent

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of a day
I can walk in my days
in my body

A day
when fear
consume me

A day
when guilt
strangle me

A day
when a touch
can just be that

A day
when shame is
replaced with

A day
of carefree wonder

Yes, I still have dreams...

Dreams are what
keeps me rooted.
Dreams are what
keeps me here.
Dreams are what
helps me to keep
the madness at bay.

Yes, I still have dreams...


For those who are surviving regardless – Survivors of sexual abuse, sexual assault,and rape. 

It's the darkness that saved us. When our minds saved us, as the harsh reality of our bodies were being taken without our consent.  We manifest hope in the face of our past.  Our silence doesn't protect us, speak the truth, and let the healing light shine into your soul. 

It's a new day to heal, forgive, let go, and live tenaciously, in spite of.  God carried me through those dark times until I had strength enough for my feet to touch the ground again.  I plan to be happy, laugh a lot, let joy in, know love, and not allow those memories have me succumb to begging on my knees.  Let's do this together.  We've survived the physical realities but no one can have our soul.

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