Poetry: "Yes, I still have dreams..."

35 years later

30 men and boys later

Men and boys

who took my body

without

asking

or

needing

my

consent

Men and boys

who took my body

when I couldn't read

when I

didn't know

myself

Men and boys

who I trusted

Yes, I still have dreams...

Tucked and hidden

under all the wreckage

that they left

Tucked behind

their desires

Hidden from

my confusion

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of kindness

Of gentleness

Of hope beyond hope

Yes, I still have dreams...

They are what sustains me

during my time here

Steeped in confusion

Hurt

Attached to shame

Yes, I still have dreams...

When I close my eyes

I enter into the darkness

in those

moments when

My body is taken

again

without my consent

I dream

I dream of a time

When I wouldn't know

the pillaging of my body

the harrowing of my insides

Dreams

The place where

my soul resides

and

God is there

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of a kind man

Someone to love

me

beyond

and past

and over

and under

all this hurt

A man

whom I can lay down

my guard

with

Hold me as

all this sorrow

seeps out of my body

A man

who can love me

regardless

A man

who knows

this hurt I feel

isn't his to own

A man

who helps

to fight back

those

demons from

my past

A man

who doesn't take

without my consent

Yes, I still have dreams...

Of a day

I can walk in my days

connected

and

in my body

A day

when fear

doesn't

consume me

A day

when guilt

doesn't

strangle me

A day

when a touch

can just be that

A day

when shame is

replaced with

pride

A day

of carefree wonder

Yes, I still have dreams...

Dreams are what

keeps me rooted.

Dreams are what

keeps me here.

Dreams are what

helps me to keep

the madness at bay.

Yes, I still have dreams...

10/15/2011

For those who are surviving regardless – Survivors of sexual abuse, sexual assault,and rape. 

It's the darkness that saved us. When our minds saved us, as the harsh reality of our bodies were being taken without our consent.  We manifest hope in the face of our past.  Our silence doesn't protect us, speak the truth, and let the healing light shine into your soul. 

It's a new day to heal, forgive, let go, and live tenaciously, in spite of.  God carried me through those dark times until I had strength enough for my feet to touch the ground again.  I plan to be happy, laugh a lot, let joy in, know love, and not allow those memories have me succumb to begging on my knees.  Let's do this together.  We've survived the physical realities but no one can have our soul.