Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Vulnerability of Being Too Open….

If you know me then you know -  I feel everything.  I process things and information aloud.  I sometimes think aloud.  I observe, a lot. I ask questions, a lot.  I’m intrigued by people, situations, and ideas.  I am always on the pursuit of why…

Not a bad characteristic, right? Nah, if it is something benign. 

When you make yourself available to dubious people who are manipulative then there are tragic consequences.  You’ve integrated their shitty Karma.  You then spend days sorting out your role in the situation and what is theirs.  You own what you need to and you figure out your interpretation of what they have done to you.  Ultimately, it is your understanding of the situation that you are interpreting.  You spend your time clearing out their karmic crap…

When you make yourself available to people who want to use you to get to know someone then their interaction is their issue.  I see an introduction as being pretty innocuous.  It becomes a problem for you when their interaction is interpreted as being something you caused then you’ve got to figure out your role in it.  You’ve got to clarify your role, an introducer.  I’ve learned I know a lot of people.  I don’t claim, I KNOW them. 

I have a few friends that I KNOW.  If someone wants to meet someone else then I’m going to facilitate this.  These are people that I know on a surface level.  What I figure is, we are all grown folks.  You’ve gotten this far without me and you are going to get further without me so why should I care.  Keep your big girl panties on, cause I got mine on when I go out the door everyday. 

When you make yourself available to people who want to use you to get ahead then it usually doesn’t work out for them.  What I know is, people can sense a bullshitter a mile away.  They know instinctually something is wrong.  They may fain a meek, Hello.  Their internal instincts know something is going on there.  They back away quickly. 

I’ve learned when I’ve allowed myself to get used by a bullshiter then usually I’m the one who has to deal with it.  I stink to high heaven.  I have to sort thru all the emotional filth they leave behind.  Therefore, I’m cautious about having these kinds of people around.  I trust my gut when I first meet them.  I afford them the humanity of saying hello to a child of God then I will walk away.    

For me, Salesmen are usually hard to read.  They are overly friendly, they ask a lot of questions, they make you feel like you are the center of attention, they hand you the item they are selling, and they work hard on closing the deal.  Here is what I know, they don’t give a fuck about you.  They’re trying to make money.  They work on commission.  They are in it for them.  This contrived jovial relationship is FAKE.  They want you to part with your cash. 

When you are emotionally vulnerable and share too much information then people assess the situation as, “You Crazy”, “Ahh, they are having a moment”, “Get over it”, or “WTF”.  They will adjust their behavior accordingly.  Some will stay and offer support.  Some will look for the exit sign and walk quickly away.

I’ve learned over the years to create boundaries for myself and the people I interact with.  Not crazy, you can never see me kind of walls, but what I’m willing to share or not.  Specifically, with who and whom I am going to share my life and life experiences with. 

I’m learning that trust is not readily given.  I’ve adjusted.  I’m learning honesty is not readily honored.  I’ve adjusted.  I’m learning that integrity is not a value everyone has.  I’ve adjusted.  I’m learning that people sometimes use people.  I’ve adjusted.  I've learned that some people will use you to get ahead for themselves at no regard to you.  I've adjusted.  Not everyone has your back when you are fighting for your life.  I've adjusted. 

It’s a harsh, harsh world out here.  I don’t allow people to circumvent my experience of life.  I like being present in every moment.  I give most people the benefit of the doubt.  I get away from crazy madness, quickly.  I contribute when I can. 

I have learned not to care what people think of my life.  It’s mine.  They ain’t paying a motherfucking bill in my house nor do they worry about it or give a rats ass about it.  Why should I care what they think about how I’m living my life? I don’t. 

I’m not jaded just a realist.  I wish someone told me these things when I was growing up.  I grew up by trial and error.  Fairy tales dreams and being ‘saved by someone’ got washed right out of my head by living life and having experiences.  I’ve protected my humanity and my innate sensitivity throughout all these situations.  I hope one day my son can read these lessons and understand everything I’ve told him. 

Life is what you make of it, now go live it.  Laugh, Love, and experience Joy as much as you can cause these are the things that will get you through those darker times.   Ultimately, you are responsible for how your life turns out.  Finally, even in your darkest moments and when you feel the most alone, God's there.  At least that is what I know….XOXOXO

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