Saturday, April 16, 2011

Til death us do part....hmmmm

I believe in marriage and the union that is represents. I have stayed out of the Gay Marriage debate because much of my own experience with relationships has been that they are temporary. I've witnessed in my life people who love each other, tear each other apart. I've know pain from love lost. I know the longing of when you wait for them to come home. I've been an active participant in it all.

“Hello my name is Nick. I'm a love addict. I'm also recovering from relationships...”

What I've come to know is that, yes, I do want to be married. Not until it gets hard. I want to be there when it gets hard. I want the security of knowing that we will survive. I want to know that I can keep growing as a person. I want to know that I can be at my worst and someone still has my back. I want that Hollywood scene, 'the last breath' - looking lovingly at your partner when death descends upon you.

What I've seen in my life is “Married Until”... until it gets hard. Until they hurt me. Until they violate you. Until they take your dreams away and dash them. Until you know betrayal.

I have yet to see a marriage survive past these human moments. I've been there to help someone put their life back together after loss. The tender care that is needed to repair brokenness. I've sat through tears. I've sat through vodka laden confessions.

What I've come to know...Marriage for me is permanent.  I want it only once.  I have couple-friends who have been together for decades and I admire them.  They've learned to fight fair.  Forgiveness is essential.  Trust is crucial.  Most of all- love is complicated.  

I know that people may have witnessed me go through this madness of discovery. Its ok. I'm very much human. I've worked very hard at making room in my life so I can be recognized as that. I can be human. I can grow up. Try different ideas on. Keep what fits. Discard what doesn't resonate.

With all that said, “I still do believe in love”. Love at first sight. Love – Act 2. Love unassuming. Love temporary. Love everlasting. All aspects of love.

Don't worry I'm not on the verge of sending out any wedding invitations. It has been a long time since a sane eligible suitor has beckoned. Until then, I'm subscribing to Bride magazine, watching Bridzilla, and dreamin'....

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