tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000036525181993432024-02-20T21:11:37.318-08:00Nick-izms : A Writers Rumblings Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.comBlogger95125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-37370813946825662132018-08-01T18:36:00.004-07:002018-08-01T18:36:42.110-07:00Gettin' back to my roots - Back to bloggingThis blog is where it all began.<br />
<br />
It's been years since I've posted. It's not because I've not written. I've written quite a bit. I write daily. I post mostly to Facebook - Friends and family. I practice on them. <br />
<br />
What have I been up to? <br />
<br />
I've performed. I've read my poetry. I've been learning the craft of writing. I've been immersed with like-minded artists. I've read quite a bit. <br />
<br />
It's been incredible but it's time to get back to my roots - blogging. People have asked me where to find me. I've directed them here. <br />
<br />
What to expect -<br />
<br />
I will be sharing published works. Works that have been performed. It's my goal to post at least one piece of work a week. Don't hold me to that cause I may get inspired to share more. This blog continues to evolve. <br />
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<br />Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-47793216298721295642014-09-13T12:28:00.000-07:002014-09-13T12:28:59.180-07:001,000 Cranes - The Innocence of My Son, 'I Wish You Happiness...'<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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1,000 Cranes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
been fired from my job because I couldn’t condone making up services numbers on
a project, so I was told my services were no longer needed, nor necessary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was fired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No unemployment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
prospects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stood up for what I
believed in, yet it was with an outcome that I didn’t expect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to do manual labor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I painted apartments for my landlord to cover
the costs of rent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was on public
assistance, again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a difficult
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was heavy with worry a lot of
the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was hurt emotionally from
the experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A graduate education
didn’t matter cause I was beginning again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t lay my adult worries on my son, but he watched me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came home one day from painting and Sonny
was doing origami.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was watching
Youtube and learning to fold cranes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
commented on how beautiful they were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
few days later, he was still at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
little 9 year old hands were folding paper, creasing, and meticulously making
cranes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked why he was doing
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured it was to decorate his
room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No it wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me the story about a Japanese legend
that if he folded 1,000 cranes that he’d be granted a wish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His wish was that I’d be happy again and I
wouldn’t have to worry all the time about money, food, rent, lights, gas, and
how I was gonna get what he needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was stunned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then sobbed when I heard
this and held him in my arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reminded
him things will get better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life just
threw us a curveball.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I apologized for
not being happy go lucky Mom that he needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I thanked him for his project.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His wish meant everything to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I got my wish when he was born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And, this is one of the many reasons my son continues to amaze me…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-61260290336979908812014-05-05T20:13:00.000-07:002014-05-05T20:13:53.561-07:00Yeah sure, I could’ve done it differently, but I didn't...Accepting 'mid-life' on its terms ain't easy.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Being present in this new stage of my life
requires diligence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is me being
diligent of not looking at my past with longing and trying to hold on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is me being diligent about not looking
into my future with foreboding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may
not be where I thought I was going to be, but I am where I need to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I listen to my Elders with anticipation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I listen to the younger generation with
awe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For my contemporaries, I am witnessing
a struggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realize this may be my
projecting my internal discourse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
witnessing people holding onto a time in their past when they were bold,
confident, and inspiring with a desperate-ness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They hold onto anger as a salve to cool fresh wounds from their past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They struggle to forgive because letting go
is likened to falling into an abyss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Their unwillingness to accept life as it is may mean that they’ve given
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m discovering my middle place (Middle
Age) is exciting and continues to be filled with passion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The changes my body is going through reminds
me of my connection to creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Season
change, so do I, and time will move along without any effort. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-88905792215455049722014-05-04T00:39:00.000-07:002014-05-04T00:48:06.929-07:00I Believe HE Exists -<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Kind, decent, committed man who enjoys
family, spiritually orientated, recognizes love by demonstrating it, is
thoughtful, never allows insecurity destroy, is vigilant to not allow someone
to enter our relationship, finds new ways to be thoughtful and show love,
doesn’t tear away at dignity, appreciates the crevices of my body, finds joy in
getting old with me, and is the last face I wanna see when my time here is
done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanna be able to watch him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recognize his grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Understand his dignity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be proud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Feel the gentle touch of his hand when he senses I’m suddenly afraid and
I need him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Holds me as I weep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reminds me that the darkness of the night is
not terrifying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Makes that time of day
magical and not be dreaded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is strong
enough to know that my pain is not bound to him, but from a life filled with
lessons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Understands my flashbacks then
waits for me to return or helps guide me back to myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whispering lovingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Calling my name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reminding me that love does exist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, I am enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is a reminder that not all Men are violent,
nor rape, nor take without consent, nor demand my behavior be in accordance
with what he deems appropriate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanna
be in awe of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Majestic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A love that has been waiting for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God made just for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply, breathtaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I believe he exists.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-33758180495552427542014-05-04T00:17:00.001-07:002014-05-05T20:14:04.176-07:00Do I haunt your hours...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Do I haunt your hours like you haunt mine?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Does your soul know the love I feel?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I speak of infinity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I am near you – I am in communion.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God incarnate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I see you -</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are my opportunity to witness,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To hear,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To recognize,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To experience the fullness of being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I am near you – I sense vulnerability under strength.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I recognize greatness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I recognize our becoming.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My love for you is forged in the fire of adversity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My birth was an opportunity to be with you. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Near you, I know only abundance.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I see the world – the amazing hues in between all the lines.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our moments together are enough.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do I haunt your hours like you haunt mine?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Does your soul know the love I feel?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I speak of infinity.</div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-77395614833880415452014-05-03T22:56:00.005-07:002014-05-05T20:14:14.503-07:00A Love to Match My BodyI am not meant to shrink into an ideal.<br />
Of desirable images of what a man wants.<br />
That which he is fed by mainstream media.<br />
Popular notions he believes he needs.<br />
<br />
I am built to be robust.<br />
Wide to match the horizon.<br />
Large to cause fear.<br />
Stared at with awe.<br />
<br />
Yes, I do taste as good as I look.<br />
Don’t let the cool taste fool ya!<br />
<br />
All my wet parts with complicated desires.<br />
No. I ain’t gonna shrink to fit into an ideal.<br />
I am not constructed for white girlz magazines.<br />
I was built to be appreciated live-and-in-person.<br />
<br />
All of me!<br />
<br />
My love cannot fit into a tiny body.<br />
It is meant to be amongst the starz.<br />
Touched gently,<br />
Gazed at longingly,<br />
Counted amongst breathless moments.<br />
<br />
A man’s desire needs to fit me.<br />
Not the small space limited by his imagination.<br />
<br />
I was built for a long journey,<br />
Deep – Meaningful<br />
A life of many lessons.<br />
<br />
I’ll never go gently in the night.<br />
<br />
I am meant<br />
To be discovered by<br />
A love <br />
that matches God.Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-42017751847677448192014-05-03T09:46:00.001-07:002014-05-05T20:14:40.129-07:00Truth telling. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Truth telling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
is what I’ve discovered about writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
me it is about - Truth telling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth
telling about my journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our
journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our collective plight of survival.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth ain’t easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth needs to be told.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth breaks the shackles that bind me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth lightens the load I’ve carried a long
while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth is meant to uncover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth is meant to tell on myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth is meant to inspire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth is free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Writing truth about my moments - The burden of having my
childhood body assaulted by men, again and again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The shame I bore when another man physically abused
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I believed him that I was worth
nothing, ugly, and I needed to be grateful for his kindness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The silence I endured after rape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The blame I hold onto because of all these
experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came to understand the
ugly reality that ‘‘hurt’ people, ‘hurt people’”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, the sweet release of forgiveness and
letting go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth about me hobbling my
life back together after these experiences with a sense of loss and letting go
of childhood dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The burden of
standing tall, proud, and with dignity while hiding me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, the moment I fell in love with my son as
a newborn baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My moment of realization
- I had to get us away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t have
him witness me being beaten and my spirit taken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The day I fell to my knees, I couldn’t bear
the weight any longer, and I realized the grace of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was harrowed when I felt the love of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I appreciate the humbleness I feel in
creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How I am in complete awe of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All these moments of my life are meant for me
to discover me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to reclaim my
body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to understand my
journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to actively participate
in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, I had to come to
realize the amazing people who have held me together along the way – Some quietly.
Some gently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some softly reminding me of
my worth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some forcefully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some lovingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some by sheer will holding onto me cause I
was disappearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is with this truth that
I tell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth about living my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still believe in the magic of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have enough hope to fill oceans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have lots of dreams that I still gotta do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been an incredible journey so far, and I’m
here, so come on let’s get to livin’…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
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Writing is very personal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Becoming a writer is not something I set out to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been a love affair that started out long
ago, but I’ve kept it for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
taken this time off to spend time with friends on Facebook to write with
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to figure out who am I
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the time developing my voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
literary voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-19735671472552747702013-02-01T11:07:00.001-08:002013-02-01T11:07:18.997-08:00Poetry: "Vainglory by Circumstance"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Swaying with desire</div>
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How do I stop this?</div>
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How do I bend?</div>
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When do I allow?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Questions urging a grown person asunder</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Begging God, doubting that there is one</div>
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Abandoned again for worthier causes</div>
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Pleading for respite, but none found</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Proud back with a chest high in the air</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Swaying with desire</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Familiar with a man’s desire for $5</div>
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Allota $5’s feeds young, hungry bodies</div>
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Those dirty $5’s keeps clothes on young backs</div>
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Stinky $5’s keeps a roof over children’s heads</div>
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Desperate that my children’s dreams realized</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Dreams that look past this circumstance</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Proud back with a chest high in the air</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Swaying with desire</div>
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Stopping for briefest of moments</div>
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Catching glimpses of a stranger past dirty shop windows</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Recognizing, this is not the dream that I once dreamed</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Proud back with a chest high in the air</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Swaying with desire</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Staring into the broad sky where stars twinkle</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Grateful at least it is from a back seat</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Unexpected kindness</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Throwing Wishes into the heavens</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Under another man’s heaving, uncaring, selfish body</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Unanswered prayers wash carnal desires away</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Proud back with a chest high in the air</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Swaying with desire</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Hanging on - Hope is all that there is left</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
February 1, 2013</div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-91677807944270115862013-02-01T11:06:00.000-08:002013-02-01T11:06:03.728-08:00A Brave and Startling Truth by Maya Angelou<table bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" cellpadding="0" id="table25" style="width: 631px;"><tbody>
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<table border="0" cellpadding="0" id="table26" style="border-collapse: collapse; height: 100px; width: 537px;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td valign="top" width="497"> <h3>
Maya Angelou <br />
<span style="color: #d04848; font-family: Arial; font-size: 9pt;">
American Poet, Author and Actress</span></h3>
</td>
<td valign="middle" width="40"> </td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td rowspan="2" valign="top" width="20"><br /></td>
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<tr>
<td valign="top" width="51"><br /></td>
<td valign="top" width="385">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">We, this people, on a small and
lonely planet<br />
Traveling through casual space<br />
Past aloof stars, across the way of indifferent suns<br />
To a destination where all signs tell us<br />
It is possible and imperative that we learn<br />
A brave and startling truth<br />
<br />
And when we come to it<br />
To the day of peacemaking<br />
When we release our fingers<br />
From fists of hostility<br />
And allow the pure air to cool our palms<br />
<br />
When we come to it<br />
When the curtain falls on the minstrel show of hate<br />
And faces sooted with scorn are scrubbed clean<br />
When battlefields and coliseum<br />
No longer rake our unique and particular sons and daughters<br />
Up with the bruised and bloody grass<br />
To lie in identical plots in foreign soil<br />
<br />
When the rapacious storming of the churches<br />
The screaming racket in the temples have ceased<br />
When the pennants are waving gaily<br />
When the banners of the world tremble<br />
Stoutly in the good, clean breeze<br />
<br />
When we come to it<br />
When we let the rifles fall from our shoulders<br />
And children dress their dolls in flags of truce<br />
When land mines of death have been removed<br />
And the aged can walk into evenings of peace<br />
When religious ritual is not perfumed<br />
By the incense of burning flesh<br />
And childhood dreams are not kicked awake<br />
By nightmares of abuse<br />
<br />
When we come to it<br />
Then we will confess that not the Pyramids<br />
With their stones set in mysterious perfection<br />
Nor the Gardens of Babylon<br />
Hanging as eternal beauty<br />
In our collective memory<br />
Not the Grand Canyon<br />
Kindled into delicious color<br />
By Western sunsets<br />
<br />
Nor the Danube, flowing its blue soul into Europe<br />
Not the sacred peak of Mount Fuji<br />
Stretching to the Rising Sun<br />
Neither Father Amazon nor Mother Mississippi who, without
favor,<br />
Nurture all creatures in the depths and on the shores<br />
These are not the only wonders of the world<br />
<br />
When we come to it<br />
We, this people, on this minuscule and kithless globe<br />
Who reach daily for the bomb, the blade and the dagger<br />
Yet who petition in the dark for tokens of peace<br />
We, this people on this mote of matter<br />
In whose mouths abide cankerous words<br />
Which challenge our very existence<br />
Yet out of those same mouths<br />
Come songs of such exquisite sweetness<br />
That the heart falters in its labor<br />
And the body is quieted into awe<br />
<br />
We, this people, on this small and drifting planet<br />
Whose hands can strike with such abandon<br />
That in a twinkling, life is sapped from the living<br />
Yet those same hands can touch with such healing, irresistible
tenderness<br />
That the haughty neck is happy to bow<br />
And the proud back is glad to bend<br />
Out of such chaos, of such contradiction<br />
We learn that we are neither devils nor divines<br />
<br />
When we come to it<br />
We, this people, on this wayward, floating body<br />
Created on this earth, of this earth<br />
Have the power to fashion for this earth<br />
A climate where every man and every woman<br />
Can live freely without sanctimonious piety<br />
Without crippling fear<br />
<br />
When we come to it<br />
We must confess that we are the possible<br />
We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world<br />
That is when, and only when<br />
We come to it.</span><div align="left">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: grey; font-size: x-small;">This
poem was written and delivered in honor of the 50th anniversary
of the United Nations.<br />
<br />
© Maya Angelou, from
<a href="http://www.inspirationpeak.com/cgi-bin/apf/apf.cgi?Operation=ItemLookup&ItemId=0679449043">
A Brave And Startling Truth</a><br />
Published by Random House</span></span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-54051578342541326552013-01-12T06:55:00.000-08:002013-01-12T06:56:07.501-08:00Poetry: "A Love to Match My Body"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<br />
I am not meant to shrink into an ideal.<br />
Of desirable images of what a man wants.<br />
Fed by mainstream media.<br />
Popular notions he believes he needs.<br />
I am built to be robust.<br />
Wide to match the horizon.<br />
Large to cause fear.<br />
Stared at with awe.<br />
Yes, I do taste as good as I look.<br />
Don’t let it fool ya!<br />
Wet parts with complicated desires.<br />
No I ain’t gonna shrink to fit into an ideal.<br />
I was not constructed for white girlz magazines.<br />
I was built to be appreciated live-and-in-person.<br />
All of me!<br />
My love cannot fit into a tiny body.<br />
It is meant to be amongst the starz.<br />
Touched gently,<br />
Gazed at longingly,<br />
Breathless moments.<br />
A man’s desire needs to fit me.<br />
Not the small spaces limited by his imagination.<br />
I was built for a long journey,<br />
Deep – Meaningful<br />
Never gently in the night.<br />
Discovered by<br />
A love that matches God.<br />
January 12, 2013Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-11339382298796055672013-01-04T23:24:00.000-08:002013-01-04T23:38:51.441-08:00moments of clarity and comfort<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="textexposedshow">Have you ever experienced moments of
clarity and comfort?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d be struggling with some issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d be worried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’d be afraid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suddenly, a feeling
would wash over me, I knew everything was gonna be all right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The urgency of my fear and worry were gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d feel every hair on my body stand in
attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt like someone gently brushed
up against my skin sending shivers run down my back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d just smile and say, “Thanks”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-83977702494427107662013-01-04T22:34:00.001-08:002013-01-04T22:34:50.785-08:00<span class="userContent">“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you
from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break
you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the
reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are
here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or
betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by
an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps,
wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”<br /> ― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP</span>Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-25511300846134439822013-01-04T21:07:00.000-08:002013-01-04T21:07:45.117-08:00Nicholas “Nick” Metcalf Event Bio <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-autospace: ideograph-numeric;">
<b><span style="color: #353535; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;">"Nicholas "Nick" Metcalf </span></b><span style="color: #353535; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;">- Cetanzi (Yellow Hawk) writes about his journey which may be a
cautionary tale or a tale of triumph.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Stay tuned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also likes to
write about the complicated lives of the people and communities he loves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An enrolled member of the Rosebud Sioux
Tribe, he has made the Twin Cities his home for over 18 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He still believes in love and is a hopeless
romantic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the day, he is a cog in
the wheel of state bureaucracy and at night, a fantastic ever loving parent of
a teenage son, Hoksicila Cante Ma Yuha (Child of My Heart)."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-autospace: ideograph-numeric;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-autospace: ideograph-numeric;">
<span style="color: #353535; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;">This was the bio for a recent reading that I took part in. It was my 3rd public reading of my poetry and it was incredible. Here is the text from the promotional material: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-autospace: ideograph-numeric;">
<span style="color: #353535; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;">
</span>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Dakota
Writers</b></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Speak to
Presence</b></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">On
the 150</span></span><sup><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">th</span></span></sup><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">
anniversary of the largest mass execution in the history of the
United States of America – the hanging of 38 + 2 Dakota men in
Mankato for their role in the U.S. Dakota Conflict – and in the
150</span></span><sup><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">th</span></span></sup><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">
anniversary year of the Dakota conflict, Dakota writers speak to
Presence. Although our presence is often erased or misrepresented in
mainstream media, we are here. Join us as we reflect, remember, and
share.</span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;">Featuring
Nick Metcalf, Monique Leith (reading poems by her grandpa Ron Leith),
Richard Merlin Johnson Jr., Terri Yellowhammer, Colleen Casey, and
Lisa Yankton</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;">location: Black
Dog Cafe</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> 308
Prince St. (corner of 4</span></span><sup><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">th</span></span></sup><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">
and Broadway, downtown)</span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"> St.
Paul, MN 55101</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"> 651.228.9274</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">date: Wednesday,
December 26</span></span><sup><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">th</span></span></sup><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">
2012</span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;">time: 8:30
– 10:00 PM</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Agenda: 7:00
– 8:30 PM Lowertown Reading Jam</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"> 8:30
– 10:00 PM Dakota Writers Speak to Presence</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #353535; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-78814471311812716952013-01-03T20:22:00.003-08:002013-01-04T21:33:37.995-08:00"....Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..."<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">“Our
deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that
most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a
child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is
nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel
insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were
born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just
in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we
unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates
others.”</span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><br /> ― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/cMaWsfLYQko?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
</div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-61250919305000228032013-01-01T13:07:00.000-08:002013-01-01T13:07:17.702-08:00Reasons to Succeed
Surround yourself with reminders of the
reasons you have chosen to do the work you do. Keep the thoughts of
those reasons foremost in your mind.
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Achievement never happens for its own
sake. Achievement is built when there are solid, meaningful reasons
behind it.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The only enduring impediment to success
is the lack of a reason for that success. Connect with a good
reason, keep that connection strong, and you will find your way
through whatever challenges you encounter.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When you have a reason, you have a
stake in the outcome. When you have a reason, you're able to summon
the discipline, commitment, persistence and creativity necessary to
get the job done.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The best motivation is not to be found
in some sophisticated secret techniques or procedures. The best
motivation is to constantly keep yourself in contact with your
reason.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Give yourself plenty of reasons to
succeed. And you most assuredly will.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Ralph Marston</div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-25726846836165790402013-01-01T12:16:00.001-08:002013-01-01T18:16:22.200-08:00I Become Vigilant<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When I write about the ugliness of what
has happened to me, then please know and understand: Without those
experiences I WOULD NOT know Joy, Happiness, Contentment, and Love.<br />
<br />
It is when I look into my minds dark places, where secrets reside and untold truths are bound by shame, I am able dismantle them. I pay
my respects to that part of my journey. I keep what is necessary in those experiences. I
let go of the rest. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Ultimately, my telling these stories is a part of my healing journey. By writing about them enables me to
release the heaviness and burden. I am no longer shackled by the shame, fear, and silence. I let go of them back into the Universe. I pray never to harm another...<br />
<br />
It is
my hope that I will never have to experience
those life lessons again. They become a part of my past. They become a foundation to who I am. By understanding this process then I ensure they do not rob me of my humanity, kindness, and spirit. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I write those stories to inspire those who need it. I write to give hope to those who need it. Especially, when the darkness descends... <br />
<br />
What I know is this - I am responsible for my own healing and the affect of those lessons on my life. I need to remain attuned to them so I become vigilant to never repeat them. So I write!</div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-53269056402070988542013-01-01T10:56:00.000-08:002013-01-01T11:19:52.345-08:00Poetry: "A Dream of a Time and Place"<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In the solitude</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
of my room</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I would look out</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
unto</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
the expansive prairie</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I watched
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The light brown wheat</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
as they danced in the wind</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The evergreen trees
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
as they bowed</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
along the horizon</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
just beyond the hills</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I dreamed of a time and place</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I hoped beyond hope</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Prayed for saving,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Begged God,
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creator,
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The Universe,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
or anyone who'd listen</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to my silence</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I dreamed of a time and place</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Beyond this circumstance</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
A place</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I could be</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Different</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Safe</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Comforted</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Whole</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Pain Free</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The flimsy wooden door</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
holds back yet another</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
drunken man
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Another man who</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
took me for
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
his sick
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
sexual pleasure.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
A knife hidden</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Used to lock the flimsy door</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Too late – I'm awoken to terror</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I didn't yearn nor want</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Stank beer breathe</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Fumbling in the dark</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Demands</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Urgings</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Pain</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The darkness would descend</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I would dream of a time and place</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Beyond this circumstance
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'd hope beyond hope</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I could be there</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Be Safe</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Comforted</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Whole</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Pain Free</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
How could the dead dream?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'd wonder</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I could covet these dreams!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'd resolve</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Hide them from discovery</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My dreams</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My sincerity</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My sacredness</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Once I found that place and time</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Circumstance</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Safety</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Wholeness</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Pain Free</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I now tell that truth</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It drips off my soul</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Slithers off my body</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Festering old wounds
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Healing</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I tell those stories</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Secrets I held</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Stories I've kept hidden</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
For the universe to claim</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The burden is not mine</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
alone any longer</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I dreamed of a place</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
beyond that circumstance</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
of a time
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
that I'd</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
be safe</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
pain free</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
comforted</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
whole</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
And I AM HERE...</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
January 1, 2013</div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-69735058535364896612012-12-28T11:48:00.000-08:002012-12-28T11:49:24.499-08:00Games Men Play: A Prayer Answered<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I flung my prayers to heaven and it rained love. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I ran into Elvis* last night and he poured out his unyielding love for me. He described his attempts at getting my attention. He was angry that I turned him down. I heard his angst. I stood there and took it. He jabbed, to the left - to the right. I tried apologizing but he didn't want to hear it. I tried to say let's give it another try but he wasn't going to have it. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When I realized he was aiming to hurt me and make me feel bad. I checked myself out. His partner in this effort was my neighbor – Angela. I stopped. I realized the madness that was standing before me. So...I encouraged them to get together. Get to know each other. I didn't want any part of it. I walked away. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Elvis ran after me. I gently nudged him aside and told him it was ok. He could leave with her. No harm, no foul. He wanted me to feel bad. It made me wonder if he heard my prayer earlier. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Earlier in the evening, at Peavy Plaza, I stood listening to a band sing a song about love does live here and it will come along. It blarred through the speakers. A sign, meant for me. An ah-ha moment. I heard it God. LOL I giggled. I knew everything was ok. My prayer was officially heard. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Needless to say, I gave Elvis my number but he threw it down as he stomped out. It was his last act of hurt. He was going to hurt me regardless. I wasn't engaging with him. I just picked up the paper then threw it away. Whatever, loser. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I imagine what would have happened if I engaged with Elvis but I knew. I know, I don't want to meet someone at a bar. I want someone to take me to dinner. Let's do grown up things. Let's get to know each other. Let's not pretend. I lived in my truth. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
After his outburst, I went to the Saloon and danced. I danced alone. I danced with strangers. I danced. I didn't need someone to define me. I wanted to dance. I danced. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
At the end of the night I said a prayer of thanksgiving. I hear you god. Thank you for the strength to keep my life in order. Truthfully...</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
*Note: Seriously, his name is Elvis. An African American man from New Orleans, LA. </div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-80118456393045847872012-12-28T10:48:00.000-08:002012-12-28T10:48:43.345-08:00Poetry: "All We Have" - Carlos Andres Gomez<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/80bJV5H209c?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">all we have </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">carlos andres gomez</span></div>
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
"….We live obese on the fatness of grief. We learned to improvise... Our people where never stolen. We were never your slaves. Write it on our graves. Black, brown, indigenous, mastesos, latino – carve it in your textbooks. We were never your salves just reluctant martyrs....and we are the ones who birthed it and we nicknamed it, God."</div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-66585665285585060692012-12-28T08:44:00.002-08:002012-12-28T09:49:28.234-08:00Poetry: "Hey Mr. White Man"<span style="font-size: small;">You've
conquered the world over</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Taken</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Took</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Never
without shame</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">You
walk in the world without fear</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Stand
with pride – as a conqueror</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Indigenous
women are yours for the taking</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">indigenous
children are yours for your delight</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Shame
is what you leave</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">in
your wake</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">across
</span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">many
lands</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Fear
is what you inspire</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Submission
is your ultimate goal</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">The
rhythm in my bones</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">murmurs
</span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">As
my past demands recognition</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">The
past that resides in my essence</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Nothing
more can be taken</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Mr.
White Man</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Nothing
left for you nor White Women</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">To
take</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">My
spirit is my own</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">My
God is hidden from you</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">(Drumbeat)
</span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">My
hips gyrate</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Shaking
off memories</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">My
feet reconnect </span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">with
the earth</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">reminding
me of my connection</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">my
arms flail</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">to
release all my desires</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">my
body </span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">my
mind</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">can
not contain</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">what
you've left</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">This
drumbeat reminds me of</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">an
ancestral past</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">it
still</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">rattles
in my bones</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Ancestral
voices</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">swell
in my chest</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Voices
that</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">begin
with a yelp</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">escape
into</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">the
universe </span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">finding
its place</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">in
my world</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">once
again</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Hey
Mr White Man</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I've</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Touched
the sky once again...</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Regardless</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">10/24/2011</span></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-71528639189840134812012-12-27T17:28:00.002-08:002012-12-28T19:11:12.252-08:002012 - A Year of Reflection, Reconciliation, and Honoring <div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes. I know. I know. I know. It's been nearly a year since I've
posted a blog. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
What's been going on? Well. My biggest supporter
and champion died on November 3, 2011 – RIP "Mommy" Darlene Rose Kills In
Water Metcalf.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9x5Z7r1DO_erbG777-Xl0pDmpSPzsOfjRuwxLynBP8SQNW5sj1C3wCzFKoPdzv8h0BZTQJPiIQkTl7yo3vbJjN8JNZpCG5xlyMkzE47QHl74RAoAldIQQBL7uQM9_wGZ0X1goV2Wj1EWg/s1600/512_10151267173275891_374633680_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9x5Z7r1DO_erbG777-Xl0pDmpSPzsOfjRuwxLynBP8SQNW5sj1C3wCzFKoPdzv8h0BZTQJPiIQkTl7yo3vbJjN8JNZpCG5xlyMkzE47QHl74RAoAldIQQBL7uQM9_wGZ0X1goV2Wj1EWg/s1600/512_10151267173275891_374633680_n.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My Mother is and will continue to be core to who I am.<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b> </b></span><br />
<br />
Amongst the many things I've learned over this last year is, I relied heavily on my Mother's strength, wisdom, and her uncanny ability to help me keep things in perspective. Hence, during this emotional upheaval I needed to find my footing once again so I
took a break. I needed private space. I wanted private time to reconcile
my thoughts, feel lost, be confused, and be sad. Ultimately, I had to learn how to honor my Mother - her life, her lessons, and her legacy. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Don't worry throughout the year
I've continued to write. Not with the same fervor or dedication as
before, but I wrote cause I needed it. Some days my writing sessions included lots of crying. Some sessions included me being fucking mad, begging for reconciliation and asking
why, but I wrote regardless. I allowed emotions to ooze out of me.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Interestingly, I narrowed my “Friends” list on Facebook. I removed people that I felt were detrimental
to me or whom I felt did not have my best interest at heart. I deleted those who didn't
know me. I felt enormously vulnerable and raw.<br />
<br />
In this past year, I did not want strangers or unfamiliar people around me. I yearned to be around people that I felt 'safe' with. They included individuals who at some point in my life; protected me, guided me, or provided me with support. They were the ones who I felt most comfortable with knowing what was emotionally going on with me.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
In 2012, I only did a couple of public speaking engagements. Thank goodness. I honored those engagements that I made before my Mother died. I didn't add any public presentations until after her 1
year anniversary. Traditionally, we are allowed a year of mourning. I took mine and needed it.<br />
<br />
Throughout this year, this song is something that I played a lot.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/xl0N7JM3wZk?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
This song reminds me of the tender moments I had with my mother. I recall struggling to understand what was going on to me, learning to be in my young body, and dreaming of a time when I wouldn't know pain. It was during those intimate moments that my Mother would remind me that 'I was Special' and 'Nothing was wrong with me'.<br />
<br />
In my mind, my mother was a giant and could do anything. She could scare away the boogie man. From my perspective, my mom was an ominous being that the boogie man wouldn't reckon with. They wouldn't dare. <br />
<br />
As I grew older and when I would stumble into this place again, she would remind me to dream big and that the world was a big place. She shared her excitement to discover it. She urged me to move so she could come visit me and get away. It took me until after her death to understand these urgings were her desire and wanting her children to experience the world. <br />
<br />
In her urgings for me to leave the reservation, she told me that there were people out in the world that were 'like me'. She assured me that being different wasn't bad. I held unto those words until I met them. When I heard this song it brought me back to these moments. <br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
Today, these are the reflections of my time with my Mother. Oh, there are so many more memories that I have of our time together and I can't wait to tell you them. She loved it when I wrote about her and she enjoyed reading about my life, my adventures, and my journey. <br />
<br />
What I know is: My mother is an incredible human being who dared to be a frail. It was her recognition of her frailty that she found commonality with people. She connected with them in deep and meaningful ways.<br />
<br />
I'm glad I got a chance to tell her, "Thank you for being my Mom". <br />
<br />
What I've come to know and understand is that I can honor my Mother by continuing to follow her advice:<br />
<ul>
<li>Live my life.</li>
<li>Be happy.</li>
<li>Do only things that bring me joy.</li>
<li>Pray.</li>
<li>Pray, again. </li>
<li>Find love and be in love.</li>
<li>Dance like no one is watching.</li>
<li>Life is short so I gotta live it. </li>
<li>Family is everything.</li>
<li>Caring for community is essential.</li>
<li>Helping the People is who we are. </li>
</ul>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It is with her courage, determination, and inspiration that I will continue to live my life...</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
I'm looking forward to 2013.<br />
<br /></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-69202189452115980302011-12-30T06:16:00.001-08:002012-12-28T10:50:41.452-08:00You've won..."You've won because you have the audacity to be who you are. You've won because you tell the truth on yourself. You've won because you demonstrate kindness and love then have it reflected back to you. You've won with each step forward you have the gumption to straighten your back and hold your head high then step out into the universe to heed its calling. You've won because you don't let life lessons slump your shoulders, break your spirit, and you look boldly at it with as much courage as you have in that moment. You've won when you look down at those who want to take your joy and love them in spite of. You've won with every breathe you take. You've won just because you are..."Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-49504454508354982912011-12-24T09:35:00.000-08:002013-01-05T17:28:47.943-08:00Poetry: "The Threshold"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With Time</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Living past and beyond</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">people who raised you</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">is sad and at times, dire</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Their essence falls into
the universe</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They become</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> a </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">memory</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do you keep them alive
in people’s</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">minds?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do you let people know
of their time here?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do you tell people what
they</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">believed in?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do you</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">tell their</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">stories to inspire</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">others?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m learning</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A testament</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">to them</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A way of honoring them</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A way to</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">keep them</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">close </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To Ask </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Is this how you’d do it?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Is this what you
believed?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Is this what you want?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Their voice will</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">usher along the whisper</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">of the winds</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Telling you</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Their truths will</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">resonate</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">in your soul</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
It will </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">shake you</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It will tap you</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It will hold you</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I wait</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Along this threshold</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> listening for </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">their voice</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Urgings from them</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> - </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">now, then, and beyond.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">December 24, 2011</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">January 5, 2013</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-800003652518199343.post-62927631955189346812011-12-18T18:39:00.000-08:002013-01-05T10:45:47.675-08:00Poetry: "I Deserve THE BEST Not Just Better"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have given myself willing</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To mindless men</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A quivering notion of myself</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ask or demand</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">or know any better</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">about myself</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had no agency </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had no personal value</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At least, not enough to believe</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I deserved the best</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Throughout each story, I grew</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I became more of me than I'd ever
known</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cautionary tales and stories that
began</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With a tumultuous beginning </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and end with</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Them leaving, Me begging, Me pleading,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sometimes, I'd do the leaving</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With the end being the same</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My Body riddled</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My Mind Scorned and</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My Spirit Worn</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I begged and pleaded</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Why not me?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Love Me?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Am I not enough?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I deserve more, The BEST not just
better</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yet I’d return again </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’d succumb to another tragic tale</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Lain open for discovery</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For Yet another Man </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A Man-child who did not know</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">His own shadow</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shadows he ran from </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shadows that followed him</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shadows that told his secrets</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Describing his desires he’s kept hidden</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I believed their words</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And fallen for ‘Their Game’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Utterances of kindness</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tales of a life together</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dreams that were shared</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All painted for me across the
tapestry of the sky</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They satiated my lonely soul</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They fed my longing for a connection</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Any connection</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Until they left, then I am alone yet
again</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In my silent moments</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Amongst my tears and broken dreams</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I'd find myself under the carnage of
my desperate mind </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Trapped by my own insecurity</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With the rife stench of my carelessness
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I pushed and pulled myself out of the
wreckage of my own making</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I'd discover myself a little lighter,
a little brighter</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cause I knew and began to believe:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I deserve more, the BEST not just
better</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I began to taste the savoriness of knowing
this</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As the bitterness of those lessons were
new:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I deserve more, The BEST not just
better</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’d began the tireless work of my introspection</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dissecting my histories</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Healing my old wounds</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Owning my stories</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Understanding my journey</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I learned to nurture myself</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I discovered a kernel of truth:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I deserve The BEST not just better</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In my quest of unraveling and discovery</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’d stumble upon doubt</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Uncovering old tapes that chimed – </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You’re nothing”, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Whore”, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You’re ugly”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Who’d want you anyway?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Heeding those words</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’d begin another story </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Another desperate tale of woe and seeking</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’d succumb to another mindless man-child</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Our bodies writhing only with desire</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I believed that this was it</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I confused touch and love, yet again</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He’d embody a dream that was not
ours to live</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I failed to recognize this lesson and
the manifestations of idolatry</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I deserve the best not just better,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A distant mantra from someone else</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The denouement of my story often went:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me reeking of desperation</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me getting smacked with the back of
hand</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me being drug by my hair</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me getting kicked in the stomach</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I deserve the best not just better,</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He’d leave with stolen things along
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Unbeknownst to him our dreams were
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Amongst the litany of men, is and was
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I deserve the best not just better. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">December 18, 2011</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">January 5, 2013</span></div>
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<![endif]-->Nicholas R Metcalfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07047455140800025192noreply@blogger.com0